


The One Where Phil Loses The Ring, But They Still Get Engaged

by tiniestbauble



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010!phan, 2012!Phan, 5 Times, Engagement, Fluff, Japhan, M/M, Marriage, Phan - Freeform, Phan Fluff, Phan Smut, Phandom - Freeform, Phanfiction, Reality, Smut, Wedding, also makes an appearance, and based on a few conspiracy theories, because im a loser, five times and one time, from 2009-2018, non-au, phanfic, proposal, remind me to link them later, there's some angst as well, through the times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 12:40:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13681881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tiniestbauble/pseuds/tiniestbauble
Summary: A series of 5 times + 1 time, following Dan and Phil from 2009 to 2018, as Phil realizes he loves Dan and should marry him some day in the future, to finding the ring for him, to proposing to him without a ring to the time they finally do get engaged!





	The One Where Phil Loses The Ring, But They Still Get Engaged

**Author's Note:**

> Heyo! This is the fic I started writing three weeks ago, keeping the chaptered fic I had started writing on hold after literally 1 chapter because I wanted this fic out in time for valentine's day because i'm a loser like that. (#shameless spon- go read Teach Me to Be Human on my page) So yeah. The first fic I wrote on this profile was last valentines was a 5+1 and I thought Valentine's day feel like the perfect excuse to dish out fluff like that. So I hope you guys enjoy it. Bye! (PS its unedited. I know. I'm graduating tomorrow guys! So please bear with the mistakes for two days. Thank you!)

1

 

The first time Phil really wanted to marry Dan was simultaneously an epiphany and the most inappropriate of all times. This sudden idea, no not an idea, a dream, a dream Phil desperately wanted to make come true, had crawled under his skin and sat there, making it an itch he kept on scratching for the years to come. He just didn’t think the epiphany would come to him watching Dan being all drowsy under the effect of drugs on a hospital bed, but well that was Phil’s life, a culmination of strange events.

“Phil?” Dan asked in a soft voice as soon as Phil picked up his phone.

“Hey! What’s wrong?” Because it just took one word, for Phil to know something was wrong.

“The tummy ache. It’s not going. It’s bad now,” Dan said, curling into himself, trying to ease his pain.

“Bad or really bad? Did you take your meds? Maybe try taking an ibuprofen?” Phil suggested.

“Really bad. Taken two since evening. And thrown up a fuck load.”

“Okay... so get ready. I’ll be there within an hour. Just let me put on some clothes and we’ll go to the hospital. Drink some water...and umm lie down, don’t move much, keep your phone nearby, keep a bucket nearby. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Okay?”

Dan hummed. He knew he wouldn’t be able to get even a single word out without first groaning in pain or lurching god-knows-what out of his empty stomach. He kept his phone beside him. A part of one wondered if he should call his parents, but he looked at the time. He didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was just a simple pain. He didn’t want to bother them at 2am in the night. He decided he could call them in the morning and have his mum come over and pamper him then. But for tonight she didn’t deserve to be too worried.

And then he thought about the fact that he was bothering Phil so late in the night, and making him come all the way from the other side of the city, to come pick him up and go to a hospital that was midway to both of them, he decided that was fine. It was always okay to bother Phil. Because Phil was his person.

And he told Phil that when Phil arrived at his dorm door, heaving. The panic on his face, the evidence that he had ran up the stairs in his huffing and puffing and the redness of his face, and the fact that he managed to clock into his dorm in forty five minutes, made Dan hug Phil and tell him right away at the door, even before Phil could enter in, “Thank you Phil. You’re my person.” And then he clung on to him as Phil helped him into his coat and gathered his past hospital papers and medicines.

Dan clung to him in the cab ride to the hospital as well. Holding tightly onto his arm and putting all his weight over Phil’s side. Phil held him even as Dan made the cab driver stop midway twice to throw up on the side of the road. Though Dan didn’t cling much when they reached the hospital, because it wasn’t something they did in public, but Phil held his hand as they patiently waited on one of the green A&E beds.

It took some time, because The Royal Manchester Infirmary was a busy hospital and the accident cases that came in were not few in number. About twenty minutes later a nurse came in and took a quick history and his vitals. She assured him he’d be fine and asked Phil to go pay for A&E charges while she gave Dan some medication for his pain. Phil didn’t even ask Dan for money and swiped his card right away for the charges. By the time he came back from the long payment queue, the nurse informed him that a doctor was seeing Dan behind the curtains and he had to wait out. The doctor after a quick history as well started examining Dan’s abdomen. He pressed his abdomen in different places. At one point when the doctor pressed over the right lower part of his abdomen, Dan winced in pain and screamed, kicking his legs and shooting the doctor’s hand away.

“I guess that’s enough. Sorry for the pain, but I had to check. Is there someone with you Mr Howell?” The doctor asked.

Dan nodded and at the same time, Phil moved the curtain just a bit to acknowledge the doctor.

“Oh Mr…?”

“Lester,” Phil replied.

“Very well Mr Lester. It seems Mr Howell here has appendicitis. With the way he’s localising pain and his symptoms. The nurse has given him a strong painkiller, a morphine analog in fact. So that should keep his pain at bay at the moment. We want to push a dose of antibiotic in as well, to curb any infection along with some fluids, and take an ultrasound. If ultrasound confirms it, we’ll have to take him up to surgery as soon as possible after his preliminary blood work. We don’t want the appendix to rupture inside, which could be life-threatening. Is that fine with you Mr Howell?”

Dan looked at Phil. And silently they had a conversation, where Dan’s eyes widened at the word surgery and life-threatening, and knowing surgery would cost a bomb. Phil gave him a small nod and blinked his eyes, assuring Dan he’d take care of it all. He didn’t want any life-threatening scenarios happening to Dan. Everything else he could deal with.

So Dan nodded at the doctor and after asking about any drug allergies, which thankfully Dan didn’t have any, Dan was given some IV fluid along with a few medicines, all of which again Phil paid for. It took forty minutes for the fluid to be done, and soon as it was done, Dan was wheeled to the sonography room. It took only a minute for the doctor to confirm it was indeed an inflamed appendix that was causing Dan misery, but it took about ten minutes of just convinving Dan to let the doctor touch his abdomen where it pained him the most.

Phil sat there as the nurses took Dan’s blood for tests and as the Anesthetist came to check if Dan was fit for anesthesia. He paled thinking how suddenly Dan’s condition had become so serious that he required a surgery. The surgeon assured him, it was only an hour long surgery and a three to four day stay at the hospital thereafter, that it wasn’t anything too serious yet and that they came in time, before any rupture could occur. But Phil couldn’t help but panic. He hated hospitals. He hated the way they smelled, he hated the way the hospital walls were always painted a dull white colour, he hated the way that most patients and their loved ones were always waiting in some degree of pain within these four walls. And to a small-Rawtenstall town Phil, surgery was a big deal, especially if the surgery was going to happen on a boy he had come to really love over the past one year of his life.

Yet he found himself assuring Dan, murmuring to him every now and then that it’d be fine, even though his hands felt a bit shaky and his palms a bit too cold and bit too sweaty. And Dan knew then he should’ve called his parents right when the A&E doctor had suggested it could be appendicitis that’d require surgery. He knew he shouldn’t put Phil through this. Phil his boyfriend of only a year. Phil, who was scared of hospitals and the thought of surgery. But in that moment he needed Phil more than anybody else.

Just as he was about to be wheeled into surgery at six in the morning, Phil was the one who said he’d call Dan’s parents and tell them.

It was about 7.30 in the morning by the time the surgeon came out and told Phil that the operation was successful and offered to show him the removed appendix. Phil shook his head. He didn’t think he could stomach that. Especially after the agonising wait. He thanked the doctor and saw through the waiting door glass as an unconscious Dan was wheeled out and attached to monitors in the recovery room. They told him Dan would be wheeled to the ward in an hour and he could see him then.

And as Phil waited for another hour, but thankfully through a glass door that allowed him to keep an eye on Dan this time, he finally felt some of the weight lifted off his shoulders. Dan’s parents came through whilst he was waiting and dozing off in between watching Dan. Dan’s mum hugged him tight and thanked him endlessly for ‘taking care of his boy’. They then went to speak to the surgeon about Dan’s condition. On returning, Dan’s mum hugged Phil again, telling him, “He told me Dan could’ve been in a seriously bad condition had you not got him here in time. Oh Phil, I’m indebted to you! I can’t even imagine what would’ve happened if you weren’t there for him. He would’ve never called us. Nor an ambulance! He’s like that...always thinking he’d be disturbing unnecessarily. That stupid boy!”

And as they continued to speak, Dan was regaining some consciousness. He looked pretty out of it, but he still looked around. His eyes landed on his family and Phil, but he immediately shut them, falling deep into the effects of the drugs again. And Phil was sure, he was going to see a loopy Dan for the next few days, with all the painkillers. The thought made him smile. As he continued to look over at Dan, something Dan’s mother said struck him. Dan didn’t think his problems were serious enough to warrant other people’s attention. But yet may it be doing laundry at the other end of the city at his house instead at the Uni itself, or a serious medical condition, Dan always called Phil. He was Dan’s person. And he knew Dan was his person too.

As Dan was wheeled into the ward, still drowsy, his parents left to get some coffee and breakfast for themselves and Phil, while Phil insisted he wait around. And once they left, he kissed Dan’s forehead, pushing his long hair out of his eyes. He looked so peaceful and cute to Phil in that moment.

“I’m your person Dan. And you’re mine. I can’t wait to grow older and marry you down the line. You’d probably shake your head and laugh at me if you heard what I’m saying. But I know, down the line, I’d be on one knee and you’d cry like the drama kid you are and nod and kiss me like mad,” Phil said as he stroked Dan’s hand that didn’t have an IV line in, imagining a future where Dan would have a nice simple ring on his finger.

 

2

 

The second time Phil really wanted to spend the rest of his whole future with Dan happened early in 2013, just after the BBC offered them a weekly show on Radio 1.

They had been going through some troubling times. Times that sometimes Phil was sure, all that future he had planned for Dan and himself was going to tear apart. They were screaming at each other all the time, they decided to sit and talk. They were having angry sex whenever the argument got too heated, putting all that energy and pent up frustration into sex than say something they’d both regret forever.

Phil nicknamed the V-day video in his head as “The Homewrecker”, because it pretty much tore him and Dan apart.

But even in the murkiness that Dan thought Phil had got them into the first place by making the stupid video, Dan would come to Phil’s room, late at night, with a list of links that had reposted the video and they would sit quietly side by side to take the video down.

What Dan didn’t understand was why Phil never deleted the April Fools video if he had no intention of posting it ever. At least he didn’t until Phil told him the whole truth after the party thrown by their friends in celebration of their first successful weekly radio show.

“You really do look at him like you guys are from some American high school drama, and she the cheerleader girlfriend that broke your heart,” Phil’s brother Martyn commented after noticing Phil wasn’t really paying attention to their conversation. His eyes would follow Dan around the room, trying not to make it obvious, but failing to do so.

“We did pretty much break each other’s hearts,” Phil whispered quietly, hoping nobody could hear them.

“Pretty much. And yet you still hang by him, he still hangs by you,” Martyn said tilting his head to Dan, as this time it was Dan who was looking Phil’s way.

“We’re both walking on eggshells here. We don’t know what to do,” Phil confessed.

“I don’t know if it’s my place to say this Philly, but why don’t you just tell him the real reason, you told me. And your relationship...it’s way too codependent, like in an unhealthy way. Both of your careers depend on this whole ‘Dan and Phil- Are they or are they not’ question. But how long is it going to continue. You can either move forward with your relationship from here, telling him the truth, or you can cut it off in a single snap. It might hurt AmazingPhil’s reputation, but the Phil I know would have some place to breathe, to be himself. It’s been months now. You have to do something about it.” And with that Martyn left him to join Cornelia at the DJ desk.

Phil now suddenly alone, went to the bar to get himself a drink and think over Martyn’s advice. Dan made his way to the bar as well, sitting beside Phil.

“Hey,’ Dan said, after ordering a drink for himself.

“Hey.” Phil managed to give him a small smile.

“I was thinking-” Dan started but Phil cut him off with an “Oh no!”. Dan narrowed his eyes at him, but shook his head and smiled. And Phil knew that spark was still there between them. The one where they could pull each others legs and laugh it off.

“So as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted, I was thinking we should get completely sloshed. Like ascend to a completely new level of being inhibited, like Uni days,” Dan suggested.

“And why should we do that?”

“Because...it’s after a long time we’re this happy, if I’m being honest. And it is a celebratory occasion! Getting a BBC radio show is no small feat. We deserve this. And all our friends are here. Just let’s forget the past few months, drink our worries away and dance,” Dan sounded sincere. For the first time in months, Phil could see this happiness in his brown eyes that was almost too good to be true.

“Well we have to reach home in one piece, so go ahead, I’ll take care of you,” Phil offered, not wanting to reach a point of inhibition where he’d either start crying and begging Dan to put this mess behind them and start anew or just saying ‘Fuck it!’ and kissing Dan in public. Because he was sure, those were the two things his heart really wanted to do, but his brain kept the desires under control. Besides he knew Dan had already had a bit too much too drink. He was on his second cocktail, while Dan was on his fourth.

“Alright old man. I’m going to go live my youth out! You be a boring old fart, not wanting to celebrate us.” Dan rolled his eyes and sighed. He looked angry, Phil could tell. Dan immediately got up to walk away, but Phil stopped him.

“Okay one celebratory shot. For us. Dan and Phil,” Phil said, not wanting to make this another sore moment for either of them.

The corners of Dan’s lips turned up just a tiny bit, but he sat back down without a word and they drank one tequila shot.

“Come on Phil! One more!” And before Phil could protest Dan had already ordered another round.

Round two, turned to round three and then to round four. Phil began to feel that buzzing in his ahead, that lightheadedness, and everything seemed funny. The way the bartender dropped the lime on the floor was funny. The way a couple in the corner were kissing was funny. And the way a man fell down on the floor whilst dancing was absolutely hilarious to the two of them.

Phil notice Martyn look at them and raise his eyebrows but he just smiled and waved at Martyn. His brother shook his head and it took Phil a few moments to realise what he was doing.

“Another!” Dan said, and the bartender obliged. Dan didn’t even wait to see if Phil was drinking his or not. He just gulped his own and asked for another.

Phil shook his head at the bartender and offered Dan his own. After six tequila shots and four cocktails, Dan still wanted more. And Phil’s words had no effect on him.

“You said you’d take care of me. You always have Phil. You’re always the dependable one. The adult. You’re sorted. You have two degrees. You’re not a dropout. You’re...you’re what people want to be. I can’t be you, so let me just drink!” Phil didn’t know where Dan’s words were stemming from, but he could bet his life, they weren't from a nice place. And Phil couldn’t even understand what Dan had to be jealous of? His two degrees? That amounted to nothing? Dan was suddenly more popular than Phil on YouTube. More subscribers, more famous YouTubers wanting to collab with him, more money. So why was Dan saying what he was saying? Phil didn’t think he had the right to be the jealous one here.

It was at that point, he just wanted to leave. But he promised Dan, he’d take care of him. Even if it sounded like Dan spited him for it. Phil wondered if he loved Dan too much. In an unequal way. Where he was left with this huge gap that Dan’s love or whatever it was that he felt for him, couldn’t fill. He wondered if this strong love of his, would break them apart.

Suddenly all too sober for his liking, Phil went and stood by the DJ desk with Martyn and Cornelia, who didn’t say a word. He was thankful his brother knew when to just leave him be.

Phil fell into a Twitter oddessy, in an attempt to ignore the world around him. He felt Martyn shake his shoulder at some point. His eyes followed Martyn’s and saw Dan dancing with girl. No not dancing, grinding into her, his arms around her hips, her arms around his. Too close. Phil didn’t even see her face, the only thing he could see was the non-existent distance between her and Dan, and the infinite, uncrossable distance between him and Dan.

Phil needed a breather. He needed more than a breather, he realised. He needed to not be here in this place and see Dan like that with someone else. But he also wanted Dan safe and home. Only he wasn’t sure anymore if Dan would come home, their home, or go with her.

“Get him home if...if he doesn’t go with her. Please,” Phil requested his brother.

Martyn sighed and nodded.

Phil knew he hadn’t had enough to be sick. And yet he was when he reached home. He threw up the sweet cocktails and the fried snacks he’d been having all evening. He went to his bed and switched on the TV, wanting something to distract him, or to put him to sleep. But it seemed like his mind could neither be distracted, nor be calmed down enough to sleep.

It was half past two in the morning when he heard the door open.

He got up, despite half of his brain telling him not to. He saw Martyn and Cornelia drop a singing Dan onto the couch,  keeping his phone, wallet and keys on the table. Cornelia got some water from the kitchen and fed it to Dan like a child. They didn’t say anything, only Dan kept singing. For some reason he was singing Michael Buble. Phil who had been avoiding Martyn’s eyes to avoid getting to know any unwanted details about Dan’s night, finally looked at him when Martyn squeezed his shoulder. Martyn only shook his head and Phil heaved a sigh. His unspoken question was answered. Nothing happened between them.

“Do you want us to leave you to it...to him, or do you want us to stay?” Martyn asked him.

“I’ll take care of him. You guys should get home. Thank you for...for bringing him home,” Phil said.

Martyn squeezed his shoulder again and Cornelia gave him a small smile.

“Think about what we spoke,” Martyn said just before they left.

And even though Dan was on the couch singing, Phil had never felt more alone.

He sighed and stayed up, trying to get some food and water into Dan, not wanting him to remain intoxicated and be sick in the morning.

“Phil?” Dan asked as he rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, finally stopping his singing.

“Hmm?”

“Why do you love me? I… I don’t treat you good. You deserve so much better. You’re...you’re the best Phil! And I’m not,” Dan spoke softly, his speech interrupted with hiccoughs. He held Phil’s hand in his, and then he circled his whole arm around Phil’s arm and nestled into his side, clinging to him, in a way Phil could remember was last done months ago.

“True. Sometimes you don’t treat me good Dan. But you’re...you’re Dan. You’re my Dan. And I think when I slowly fell in love with you, somewhere in my head I made a promise we’ll get through the ups and downs together. Because which relationship doesn’t have downs?” Phil replied, stroking Dan’s back, letting Dan fall into him.

“Do you still love me?”

“Do you doubt it?”

Dan remained silent. “I don’t. I can’t. You’re much better at this whole relationship than I am. I thought we’d break up after I first fight that December in 2009. You’re much better at everything Phil. And that’s why you deserve better,” He said after a long pause.

“You always think people you bother people, don’t you? I’ll tell you a secret. I like being bothered by you. It makes me feel important. That I’m your person. That you can trust me.”

Dan remained silent once again.

“It’s hard not to trust you Phil,” Dan said looking up at Phil, with a smile, a kind of drugged smile, like he was in some other world.

They stayed like that for a long time, buried into the back of the couch, with Dan leaning into Phil. Phil thought Dan must’ve fallen asleep. He usually did, whenever they cuddled and Phil would stroke his back. But suddenly Dan looked up at Phil again and asked, “Why did you never delete the video if you never wanted to post it?”

Phil sighed. He couldn’t find the right words. And he didn’t want to creep Dan out by telling him he had fallen in love with him so soon.

Because as much as they started their whole social interactions on Twitter and DailyBooth and Skype, those interactions were a mix of flirtiness, the sexual kind. And a lot of it was planned after Dan decided to join YouTube as well. To make both of them popular on the platform. But somewhere along the flirting and the online mischief to make it look like they were some love struck fools, they did fall in love. Only Phil fell much sooner than Dan did. Which was why he never told Dan.

“Do you remember I told you to leave the Valentine’s Day video on me?” Phil started.

Dan nodded.

“Well as I was making the video, I realised I kind of was really in love with you. And with all my previous relationships being over as soon as they began, because I always fell in love harder and faster-”

Dan suddenly started giggling. “Harder and faster. You do do it hard and fast Phil,” Dan said with a wink.

Phil chuckled and shook his head. He liked how everything was funny to drunk Dan.

“As I was saying, I always for some reason fell in love quicker. Maybe that’s why I’d never had a long term relationship before you. But you… you I liked a lot. So much that I was willing to wait for you to see how you felt and say it without me pressuring you into it. And that’s why I didn’t put the video up. Because it seemed like too cruel of a joke on our audience and an insult to the feelings I had started feeling for you.”

Dan looked at Phil incredulously before flicking his nose hard.

“You idiot! You complete arse. You know how scared I was to say those words to you first. I waited six months to find the courage to say them to you! And even when I did, it was in the haze of sex. You could’ve made my life easier, you know?” Dan said, sounding angry.

“How was I supposed to know?”

“I don’t know! You’re Phil! You know me. You’re supposed to know all of me!”

“Forgive me for not being a mind reader!”

“No don’t be a mind reader. Just a Dan reader. Okay? I love you Phil. Just stay with me please,” Dan said. And for some unknown reasons tears started flowing down his cheeks.

“Hey hey. I’m here it’s okay. I love you too Dan. I’m here. It’s okay now. Shh.” Phil didn’t know how to console this Dan. He’d known different drunk Dans’ over the past three years. The flirty/sexual drunk was what he’d be when they were with close friends who knew about them. He’d let himself drink enough to let the inhibitions go and kiss and touch Phil in front of people. The on-guard but funny drunk was when he was surrounded by people he didn’t know well. The crying drunk was a long time ago, when they first met and Dan was not really happy with his life. He hadn’t seen that drunk Dan in a while.

As Phil continued stroking his back and massaging his head, Dan felt quite, his tears stopping, and he started lying further down on the couch, so that his head was on Phil’s lap.

“Promise me Phil, you’ll stay,” Dan said sleepily.

“As long as you’d have me Dan,” Phil said without hesitation.

“It’s going to be forever then.”

“Forever it is then,” Phil said.

Dan smiled into Phil’s lap, sleep finally taking over his alcohol addled brain. Phil fell asleep quickly too. He fell asleep happily. He had missed this Dan. But he wasn’t sure how much Dan would remember in the morning.

But after the obvious expected vomiting and headache later, when Dan sat down and Phil brought him some ribena to hydrate him again, Dan held Phil’s hand tight as he drank the cordial.

“I remember,” Dan said after finishing his drink, looking at the empty glass, not meeting Phil’s eyes.

“Remember what?” Phil knew the answer but he wanted to hear it from Dan.

“Last night. I remember mostly everything. A bit cloudy but it’s all there. I’m sorry I… that girl. That was a dick move on my part.”

“It was.” Phil didn’t lie.

“Yeah… Sorry about that. But no what I meant was- our conversation. I remember it. I...I guess I’m sorry. For being…”

“An arse to me?” Phil supplemented, but a smile was forming over his face slowly.

“Yes an arse to you. I did mean it when I said I love you. I still do. So what do we do from here?”

“We...we stay together then, and put this behind us. And discuss more at length when you’re better than hungover. Okay?”

Dan nodded. He got up and kissed Phil.

And that was the day Phil felt sure that they could get over anything and everything that came in their relationship. That was the day Phil decided he should look for some rings. Soon. Just in case. Because this was something that was a forever kind of deal.

 

3

 

The third time Phil almost did propose Dan was when they were vacationing in Japan. Maybe it was because Japan seemed all too good to be true. The beautiful place. The beautiful dates. And maybe the phandom conspiring that it was their marriage or honeymoon put Phil in a bit of a romantic mood, imagining just those things.

They were having a really good day. It was their second to the last day in Tokyo. They went up to see Mount Fuji with a tour group and their friends Duncan and Mimei. Dan secretly took a number of pictures of Phil as he admired the scenery. And Phil took some of Dan as well, when he wasn't looking either. These pictures weren’t meant to go on the internet, just for themselves. Though they did take pictures for the internet when they saw Mount Fuji and Phil ate a black ice-cream. They even got a sneaky kiss in along the hike, when all the other tourists were busy taking photos and Duncan was shooting Mimei buying and eating black eggs. Phil was the one to plant the sneaky kiss on Dan’s cheek. Dan immediately reddened and said, “Stop you!” with a smile he couldn’t control.

Dan couldn’t understand why Phil was feeling so flirty the whole trip. But well, he was glad, because it did lead to some amazing sex, every night so far. It was their new record for having sex every day. And it was kind of nice to sometimes be able to sneak kisses in, in a place where not many people know them.

By the time they returned to their hotel, they were hungry and tired. But Phil wasn’t that tired, that they couldn’t take their record further. They ordered off the room service and quickly showered, snuggling into the warm blankets together, watching anime and having some nice warm ramen.

Phil set the tray on the side table and pulled Dan to make him sit between his legs. He put his arms around Dan and Dan placed his hands over Phil’s as they snuggled quietly watching anime. But Phil just couldn’t have enough of Dan this whole trip. He kissed the back of Dan’s neck, making Dan squirm and complain. But Phil help him in place wrapping his legs around Dan’s torso and tightening his arms around him.

“Ehh Phil, I’m tired,” Dan said, his voice going a bit high as Phil bit on his earlobe. His breathing got heavy as Phil showed no intention of stopping.

After a few seconds, Phil turned Dan’s head around and looked at him with this grin, that made Dan shake his head and smile.

“Then let me do everything. You just sit back and enjoy,” Phil said, kissing very near Dan’s lips, but not on his lips just yet.

“Hmm is that so?” Dan said, turning around more and kissing Phil’s lips, not being able to resist Phil’s teasing further.

“It-is-very-much-so,” Phil replied, each word spoken in a whisper, between the kisses.

They kissed passionately for a few minutes, pulling the other as close as physically possible, sometimes biting and being playful, sometimes kissing softly and smiling between the kisses, moaning quietly.

“Well then,” Dan said breaking off the kiss. He got up to get out of his clothes, staring Phil in the eye, as Phil sat back with a smirk and enjoyed the show. Now naked, Dan shook his head and laughed at Phil’s leering gaze. He laid down on the other bed on his side, propping his head on his hand and said, “Why don’t you do everything and ravish me Mr Lester? I’d like to very much enjoy.”

It took Phil five seconds to get out of his t-shirt and boxers and jump onto the other bed, over Dan, nearly crushing him and capturing his lips in a kiss. Dan laughed in between the kisses, but the laughter soon turned to not so quiet moans, as Phil grinded into him this time along with the kisses. And though Dan said he was tired and didn’t want to do anything, he kept pulling Phil closer, scratching his back in the process, knowing it only turned Phil on more. Phil loved watching his back in the morning in the mirror and remembering the events of the previous night.

Phil’s kisses trailed down, from Dan’s lips to Dan’s neck, where he didn’t stay too long, even though he wanted to, because it was something they had learned early on in their relationship- it was hard to hide hickeys over the neck. So Phil went further down, onto Dan’s chest. Here he could bite Dan and leave his mark. And he did exactly that. He let his fingers play with Dan’s nipples, as he bit the skin around them, making Dan moan loudly each time than before. Satisfied with the tiny red marks he had left on Dan’s chest, he bit on Dan’s nipples just a bit, to tease him, before moving down.

He kissed Dan’s stomach for a long time, on each side, from the top to the bottom, but not going any further down. His fingers danced ever-so-lightly over the skin of Dan’s inner thigh, very close to where Dan wanted Phil’s fingers to actually be. 

“Stop being a tease,” Dan requested in a soft voice, heaving.

Phil smiled into Dan’s stomach before finally moving his lips down to where Dan really wanted him to be. But Phil only licked his head for a few seconds, stroking the rest of his length, before moving further down. He kissed Dan’s balls and pushed his legs up a bit, before looking up at him.

“You clean?” Phil asked.

Dan bit his lip and nodded, his heart racing at the idea of what Phil was about to do.

At Dan’s confirmation, Phil got up a bit and let Dan turn around, face down, butt sticking out. Phil didn’t immediately get to work, instead he sat back and admired the view. Dan looked around to see what was taking Phil so long, to find him ogling.

“I’m sure it tastes better than it looks,” Dan said, trying to sound sultry.

But Phil broke into a laugh. “Never say that again.”

Dan was embarrassed but laughed nevertheless. As dirty-minded person Dan was, and as much as he swore, he wasn’t much for dirty talking in bed. Phil was only marginally better than Dan at it. Marginally. So they usually kept the dirty talk to a down low in the bed.

But Phil didn’t make Dan wait anymore and started kissing the skin around his hole, holding onto his ass tight enough that it’d leave marks. Slowly he kissed the rim, feeling Dan’s muscles contract at the slight touch. Phil smiled and continued kissing alternately over Dan’s hole and the skin around it. He blew some air over it, immediately making Dan, hold his hair tightly and squeezing his ass. Dan looked over and saw the sight of Phil, his face buried into his ass, his dick grinding into nothing, while Dan’s own erection rubbed mercilessly into the hotel sheets, providing almost a cruel kind of friction that Dan wanted and also didn’t want. He felt precum ooze out of his dick at the sight. He always loved the days when Phil would decide to ravish him, paying him full attention, not running after his own pleasure. There was something more gratifying about being someone’s centre of attraction than just the physical part of it.

“Lube,” Phil said one word, muffled into Dan’s skin and Dan obliged quickly, extending his hand to the bedside drawer, removing the bottle they had gotten for the trip.

Phil quickly took the lube on his fingers and put some of it around Dan’s hole, before pushing one finger in his hole, slowly, letting Dan adjust. It took a few minutes but Phil was able to push whole of his finger easily in and out of Dan’s hole. And then he slowly did the same thing with two fingers, opening Dan up patiently, touching his prostate but just barely. Even after years and continuous days of sex, Phil always went slow and did the whole stretching routine properly. And even though sometimes Dan complained about it, he would appreciate it the next day when the soreness wasn’t too bad because of Phil’s thoroughness.

As soon as Dan could easily take two fingers, Phil stretched his hole from the sides, and let his tongue slide in, licking around as far as it could go. He could feel Dan constricting more around his tongue, and moving desperately between his tongue and the bedsheets. He knew Dan always loved when Phil would go deep with his tongue. Phil alternated between kissing and licking and sucking at Dan’s hole and fingering his prostate. Dan held the sheets in his fist, clenching them tightly as he chased the sensations at his hole and his length.

He knew was close when he felt a whole lot of precum spurt out of his dick. “Phil stop,” He pleaded between his moans.

Phil stopped immediately, as was their agreement since the start. A stop, and everything stopped.

“I don’t...I don’t want to cum like this,” Dan said turning around and pulling his legs up, to grant Phil access.

“I thought...you didn’t want to. You were too tired,” Phil asked, a smirk spreading across his face.

“Not anymore.”

“I haven’t stretched you enough for this.”

“It’s okay, just go slow.”

Phil nodded and took some more lube onto his fingers, spreading it over his length. He spent some time, stroking his dick, than just applying lube. It was the first time in the whole night his dick was getting any attention. Dan didn’t mind. He watched as Phil closed his eyes and stroked himself for a few moments, lost in the pleasure.

“Okay c’mere,” Dan said, not being able to control anymore.

Phil smiled, and came forward, placing his arms on either side of Dan, lining his dick with Dan’s hole. He slowly pushed in through ring of muscles, feeling Dan tense up quickly at the intrusion. He knew it wouldn’t be too sanitary to kiss Dan now, so he left feather-light kisses over Dan’s neck, rubbing the side of his stomach reassuringly with one hand. Dan breathed in and out for a few seconds, before he could relax enough to nod at Phil to continue. Patiently Phil pushed in little by little. But after that initial pain, Dan knew he was fine enough to get the show started. But Phil was...Phil.

It was slow and torturous for Dan, and he wasn’t too sure if Phil was doing this out of love or just to tease him. He went almost out and came back in leisurely, not hitting his prostate. Dan was sure, this was Phil just teasing him. But finally, after minutes of begging- “Phil please!” “Phil I’m ready” “Phil please harder.” “Phil fast...faster!”, Phil increased his pace. And he hit his prostate everytime. Phil continued to kiss lightly over Dan’s neck and chest. And Dan tangled his fingers in Phil’s hair, urging him on. He hated times like these, where they would have each other after eating the other one out, and then they couldn’t kiss. But the feather light kisses were adding a kind of teasing touch that was enough to make Dan moan really loudly at one point, when the kiss was made right under his ear and his prostate was hit right on spot. He knew at this point all he needed was the slightest stimulation of his dick and he’d cum.

And Phil knew that. He knew the signs after over five years of being together. Dan’s moans would get louder, his squirming would increase, trying to chase his release. Phil put his hand around Dan’s length and started stroking him, fast, not wanting to be a tease anymore. Dan gasped and arched his back, increasing his own speed and meeting Phil’s thrusts halfway.

“Phil! Phil! I love you! Ahh! Please” Dan muttered in a sexual frenzy, getting closer and closer every second.

“I love you too baby,” Phil replied, groaning, as he tried to chase his own high.

Phil thrusted relentlessly, stroking Dan’s dick quickly. He felt Dan tighten around him and he opened his eyes in time to see Dan throw his head back, his mouth open in a silent scream as he came. Phil stilled inside him, still stroking him, letting Dan ride out his orgasm. Dan spurted cum over both of their stomach. After a few moments Dan opened his eyes, in a state of complete blissfulness, looking at Phil who smiled down at him. He felt Phil slowly edge out, thankful for not continuing in his now-sensitive state. He smiled at Phil who stroked himself over Dan. Dan added his own hand to Phil’s to help him bring closer to his orgasm. It took Phil just a little over a minute to come over both of their hands.

Phil crashed onto Dan, sighing.

“That was...good Mr Lester,” Dan said, still breathing heavily from the adrenaline still pumping through his veins

“Marry me Dan!” Phil said out of nowhere, his head buried into Dan’s shoulder.

“Wait...what?” Dan asked pulling Phil’s head to look at his face.

Dan stared at Phil while Phil avoided his eyes.

“Phil?”

“Nothing! Nothing!” Phil said in a state of panic. “Forget I said anything. It was just-”

“But you did say something! You said...you proposed marriage!”

“In a state of sexual blissfulness, completely unaware.” Phil didn’t know why he was backing out so adamantly, but he was. He really wanted to ask Dan, but maybe post-sex in a state where their brain wasn’t working too right, wasn’t the best time.

“I think you seemed very well aware,” Dan said narrowing his eyes at Phil.

“Dan I…”

“The answer is not no…’ Dan said quietly when Phil couldn’t come up with further explanation.

“What?” Phil’s head shot up and he looked into Dan’s eyes, something he was avoiding so far.

“I said the answer is not no. I just don’t want it like this...when well we’re A) Naked, and B) Not have a ring to go down on one knee and propose.”

“What if I told you I had a ring? Would you put clothes on and let me propose you?” Phil asked carefully.

“What? No! You definitely don’t have a ring on you. And besides we can’t get married now silly. I don’t want our marriage eclipsed by this book and tour. I want to do it, but in it’s time, where it’s the only thing that matters, you know? Only thing I have to pay attention to, and I can make it perfect for you,” Dan said, smiling, thinking of a future where they were walking down the aisle. “It’s too bad, I can’t kiss you now. I really really want to. Clean-up, brush and cuddles?” Dan asked. He pushed Phil off him and got up, but Phil held his hand.

“It’s a yes?”

“Of course,” Dan said with smile.

Phil cleaned up and brushed vigorously, wanting to seal this future deal, with his future husband with a kiss.

 

4

 

The next time Phil almost did propose Dan was in Bangkok in the August of 2016.

The Australian leg of TATINOF was remaining. And on their way there, they decided to take a two day rest at Bangkok, Thailand. Just because they didn’t think they’d get a chance to visit the city again. During their tour, they’d become somewhat of travel junkies. It started with the little break in Japan, even before the tour. But as they went through the tour, they found something great about every city they went to, loved the little hikes and city views and nature trails, the exotic food and the small souvenirs every place had to offer. Plus it gave them a rush to have sex in as many places as they could.

So Bangkok was a slight out of the way excursion, that no one but their immediate crew knew about. Nothing on the social media. Away from the everything and everyone. Just for one night, two days, before they set off for the tour again.

And for that reason, Phil thought it’d be the perfect moment to propose to Dan.

Only things went downhill from there.

As soon as they landed in Bangkok, they were taken to a hotel, and Phil who had been holding his gut and determination together to not throw up in the plane or the tourist car, projectile vomited as soon as he reached the hotel. He ran to the toilet, leaving Dan to finish the formalities. Dan came into the room to see Phil sitting on the toilet floor, head resting on the wall, breathing heavily.

“That bad?” He asked Phil.

Phil gave a small nod.

“Need any help to get up? Or you need to stay there for a few more?”

“Up. Please,” Phil whispered, holding his stomach.

Dan came into the toilet and flushed the vomit away. He put his arms under Phil’s and helped him up.

“The medicine is in your black pouch, right?” Dan asked after helping Phil lie down on the bed.

Phil nodded and Dan opened Phil’s bag, trying to find the small black pouch that contained their medicines in the mess of Phil’s clothes. He finally found it and handed Phil the Phenergan, his travel sickness medicine and some water. Phil felt awful as he took the medicine. Because he knew the side effect of it was feeling sleepy. And he had this whole day planned. Planned since the past three months since they decided to stop by at Bangkok on the way to their Australian tour. He even bought a new fancy shirt for Dan. Not the stupidly expensive kind that Dan loved, but neither cheap in any way. He had even made reservations at the Sky Bar three months in advance who refused to take the reservation saying it was way too in advance and asked him to call a month in advance of the date he needed. So Phil made a little reminder in his phone on fifth of July, to book a table at the Sky Bar for fifth of August. The appointment was made. The ring he bought in late 2013, after months of contemplating if he should buy it or not, was secured in an old sock in his bag. Everything was set and ready to go, only he was sick.

“Come cuddle with me!” Phil demanded as Dan settled down on the bed, after removing his shoes and socks.

“Being needy, are we?” Dan asked, looking amused. Sick Phil was always clingy.

And even he had hope this two days getaway would go smoothly. They’d have some good food and some good sex and probably get a massage and just relax before starting the Australian tour. But Phil fell sick before they could so much as even admire the beauty of Bangkok after getting down from the plane. Dan held him tight the whole car ride, holding a plastic bag in his hand, ready for any moment Phil felt like throwing up. Dan sighed. It wasn’t Phil’s fault either. He just hoped Phil would be better to take the flight to Australia tomorrow evening.

Dan stripped out of his jeans and shirt, whilst Phil couldn’t be bothered. He got into the bed beside Phil, immediately enveloping him in his arms and adjusting the blanket over them, so Phil was nicely cuddled and warm.

“Set an alarm for 6, will you?” Phil asked, face buried into Dan’s chest.

“Why?”

“Just got a reservation somewhere for us. Wake me up okay?”

Dan was surprised. He didn’t know Phil had made reservation for them somewhere.

“Okay. Sleep now,” Dan whispered and they both took a three hour long nap.

When Dan woke Phil up, he was already dressed casually in jeans and a sweater.

“You can’t wear this!” Phil exclaimed, yawning. He felt significantly better after the medicine and the little nap.

“Why? Where are we going? It’s a perfectly nice sweater, even if you the internet thinks it looks like weed.” Dan raised his eyebrows at Phil.

“It’s more of a fancy place. Wait I’ve got you something,” Phil said, getting up from the bed, and rummaging through his bag for the two fancy shirts he had bought for them. He bought Dan a black plain one with full sleeves except for a little white coloured rocket sewed over the pocket over his chest. And he got his own blue shirt with white dots all over it along a little black bow tie to make the whole look a bit more formal.

“Wow! Really? That fancy? You’ve got a tie!”

“Umm not really all that fancy also, but I wanted us to be dressed nicely and have a nice dinner date,” Phil said running his hand through his hair.

“Okay then!” Dan said and started undressing.

“No! No! Go have a bath! We’re probably both stinking and the reservation is for half past seven. Go for a bath!” Phil really wanted Dan to go for a bath so that he could search for the ring and keep it in his pocket.

Dan looked at Phil suspiciously.

“Come join me then?” Dan asked.

“Uhh I can’t! Umm I have to err call mum and tell her we’ve reached. And you know how she’s like. She’ll keep talking for hours! You go ahead.” Phil seemed insistent and Dan caught onto that, but didn’t say anything further. He went to have a shower without further questions. He had learned that sometimes it was just better not to question Phil’s weirdness.

Phil sighed as soon as he heard the water in the bathroom running. He immediately picked up the bundles of pyjamas under which he had hidden the sock with the ring. But to his horror, the sock wasn’t under the pjs. He got all his pjs out, thinking maybe it’d have rolled somewhere. Soon he had removed pretty much every item from his bag, but the old plain black and white striped sock with the ring in it was nowhere to be found.

“Phil? What is all this?” Dan asked on coming out from the bath and finding Phil in a pile of his own clothes on the floor.

“Nothing! Nothing!” Phil’s voice definitely sounded panicked. He was going through his third search of the bag when Dan interrupted. He was sure he had kept the ring in! He just couldn’t find it!

“Phil…?” Dan was now more worried than weirded out by Phil’s actions.

“Oh umm yeah...bath. I’m going for a bath. Don’t touch my stuff. I’ll keep it back in,” He said, eyeing his stuff once again, before getting up.

“Okay,” Dan said, still eying Phil suspiciously.

Phil had the quickest shower of his life, in fear of dan going through his things. Dan eyed him again as he was sat on the bed, on his phone, with his shirt unbuttoned and jeans still unzipped. He looked at the time on his phone and Phil was out in a record of seven minutes.

“You know what? I’m not going to question you anymore. Maybe it’s the side effects of the med you took, or maybe it’s just you. I should come to accept that,” Dan said seriously, but he knew he was joking and he knew Phil knew he was joking. Yet Phil didn't smile. Normally Phil would definitely at least give a little giggle at Dan’s jokes.

Dan dropped it, seeing Phil still looked like someone who had seen a ghost.

Phil booked an Uber and refused to show Dan where it was taking them.

“You do realise I’m going to know eventually. Either during the car journey or once we get there,” Dan noted.

“Yeah but let it be a surprise till then!” Phil requested. Ringless now, he at least wanted to make this a good date for Dan.

Dan just shrugged. The Uber arrived in five minutes and they took the cab to the Sky Bar, that Dan hadn’t figured out yet. He did figure it though when they arrived at The Dome.

They took the lift to the 63rd floor where the Sky Bar was located, boasting of it’s beautiful view. Phil was still sad that he couldn’t propose Dan at this iconic place, but maybe it’s meant to be at another place, another time, he consoled himself with that.

As they arrived at the entrance, Dan pointed out Phil’s laces were undone.

“You go ahead. Tell them the booking is under Lesters,” Phil said, his eyes searching for a corner to do his laces, so he didn’t look like a dumbass with open laces in front of a fancy restaurant.

“Okay,” Dan said and went ahead.

When Dan stated that the booking was under Lesters, the manager gave him the biggest smile and squealed. “Oh sir, we’re so happy to have you here and make this moment perfect for you. Would you like us to bring the ring in the dessert or in a glass of champagne?”

“I’m sorry, what?” Dan was sure at that point, he wasn’t hearing things right.

“The ring sir. You said you were going to propose your partner over the phone, didn’t you?” The manager asked, her eyes narrowing in confusion.

“I think you’ve asked the question to the partner and not the person who made the booking,” Dan said as calmly as he could. He was freaking out internally.  _ ‘How can Phil propose to me now? How can he not tell me about it? Is that why he was behaving so weirdly? Oh god! I’m not ready for this!’ _

“Ready?” Phil asked, swooping in from behind and placing his hand on Dan’s lower back.

“Hmm,” Dan mumbled whilst the manager looked like she was guilty at Phil.

“What’s with her?” Phil whispered to Dan as they were ushered in by their server.

Dan just shrugged his shoulders. He didn’t trust his voice. He was hyperventilating and his heart was racing, wondering when the moment would come and what he’d say to Phil. How Phil would really do it? Were they really ready for this.

But Phil just idly thanked the server for the menus, ordered some champagne and looked through the menu. Not saying one word. They were sat by the extreme corner of the restaurant, with a view that looked over the city, lit up in different colours. Their own table lit up with candles and fairy lights. And Phil looked so beautiful in those dimmed lights, that Dan couldn’t help but smile. He tried to calm himself down and pay attention to the menu. He decided he’d not think over it and spoil it, his reply has to be honest and spontaneous, like Phil meant it to be, a surprise. Though he did eye the champagne glass thoroughly, checking for any ring that could be a choking hazard, but found none.

“I’m thinking ordering some shrimp cocktail and a sushi platter maybe to start off? The cocktails are really good here I’ve heard. We should get some after our appetiser. What do you think?” Phil asked after looking at the menu carefully.

“Hmm yeah okay. That’s fine,” Dan said, already keeping the menu down. His hands felt sweaty.

Phil knew something was wrong when Dan didn’t express an opinion over food. Dan liked his food, and he always had an opinion over almost everything. Phil found it strange but nevertheless places their orders.

“You look cute. Come on, pose for me!” Phil said as soon as the server was out of earshot.

And Dan found himself blushing. He was thinking the same thing about Phil. He really wanted a photo of Phil in that lighting. Dan nodded and looked away, at the city below him, letting Phil click candids shots of him. He looked and smiled at the camera in a few and made faces as well. He asked Phil to do the same, but Phil failed miserably at looking away quietly. He just couldn’t suppress a his smile or giggles. In the end Dan just found one adorable picture of the nearly twenty he’d clicked of Phil, the one where Phil’s eyes were scrunched up as a smile spread wide over his face.

The photo session helped Dan calm down a little. Added to the fact was there seemed to be none of their followers here, especially in the corner. Nobody looking at them weirdly or jumping up and down to get a photo. They all seemed mostly old and rich business people. They had their meals, talking about small things, the tour, the travel, the merch. It could be classified as a boring date in anyone’s dictionary. But after years of knowing each other, just this getting ready and spending some quiet time away from the internet, in a place where nobody recognised them, having some nice food, classified as a great date in their dictionaries.

Once the dessert arrived, Dan took slow and small bites. Feeling the white and dark chocolate red wine flavoured truffles with a raspberry coulis against his tongue and palate. He stared at Phil who was happily forging down on his strawberry, chocolate  and vodka mousse, not giving a damn in this world.

“Where is it?” Dan asked suddenly, unable to keep his calm any longer.

“Where is what?” Phil asked, clueless.

“The ring! Where is it? It wasn’t in the champagne! It wasn’t in the food! It’s not even in the dessert! Oh god don’t tell me you’re going to go down on one knee in front of all of these people. We can’t do that Phil, you now that! Someone could recognise us here. Or take out pictures and someone would recognise us from the pictures. Please don’t go down on one knee. Oh god! I’ve ruined it , haven’t I? You must’ve had a speech and everything memori-”

“I lost the ring,” Phil whispered, not meeting Dan’s eye. 

“What?” Dan asked, as if everything Phil just said was in some alien language.

“I lost the ring,” Phil repeated again, still not looking dan in the eye.

“Of course you did,” Dan said after a long moment of silence.

Phil didn’t say another word. He just looked at Dan for two seconds before diverting his attention back to his dessert. A few people were still looking their way.

Dan ate his dessert too in silence. Not checking the truffles carefully anymore.

“It seemed like you didn’t want me to propose,” Phil mentioned his observation as he wiped his face with the napkin.

“It’s not that Phil. I’ve told you before as well. The answer is not no. It’s just the timing is not right yet. Besides, I’ve only barely started my therapy. I will not be able to handle a full blown engagement and announcements and family drama and planning a wedding, not to mention what will do do about our viewers. The timing is too complicated, but the answer is not no Phil. It’ll never be no,” Dan said keeping his hand on the table, palm up, waiting for Phil’s hand.

“The answer isn’t yes either. And if it’s not a yes, it’s just a subtle way of saying no,” Phil said looking at the city now.

“What if I say the answer is yes? Would you believe me and be patient enough with me, till I overcome my issues to make this announcement to our friends and family?”

“Of course Dan! What do you take me for? Seven years haven’t gone down the drain. Sometimes I think I know you better than you. I knew even if you did say yes, our marriage wouldn’t happen for another 3 to 4 years. I know the things you’re dealing with, I know the things that are coming up for the both of us. I know Dan, I know, but just-” Phil huffed out a breath, he was babbling. He took a second to collect himself. “Just I love you, okay? And I do want to marry you one day and spend the rest of my life with you and have kids with you and grow old with you. Please tell me now if we’re on the same page or not?” Phil looked like he was about to start crying. He swallowed heavily and his eyes stung a bit.

“Yes.” Was all Dan said.

“Yes what?”

“Yes Phil I’ll marry you. I do want that. All of that. Marriage, kids, a lifetime with you, even if it means always cleaning up your mess after you, I want it. I want you Phil. Forever, as cheesy as it sounds. I do love you,” Dan said, keeping both his hands, palm up on the table now, waiting for Phil to hold his hands.

Phil placed his hands in Dan’s and Dan kissed them. “Yes, okay! Yes marriage, someday. With you. Yes! Oh my, you idiot. Only you could lose a ring!” Dan just couldn’t formulate his sentences properly. He was too busy smiling and blushing and thinking about his happily ever after future with Phil.

Phil wiped away the few tears that had streamed down his cheeks with his napkin, before placing his hands back in Dan’s.

“Hey I was sick! And maybe it could’ve been stolen somewhere. I don’t know. Could the airline people have seen it in their machines and took it?”

“Or maybe you forgot it back home itself?” Dan suggested.

“Oh well, maybe it could’ve fallen out as I packed other things in. Maybe.” Phil thought that could be a possibility. But a part of his brain was sure he had kept it in.

The server came in and collected their empty dishes. Phil asked him for the cheque.

“I’m sure that’s what happened. Only you dork could propose to me twice without a ring. Even after setting up this wonderful date. It’s such a Phil thing,” Dan teased Phil.

“It could just as easily be a Dan thing. You have a habit of throwing important papers away and throwing things behind beds and sofas when you can’t be bothered cleaning up.”

“Well let’s just say it’s a Dan and Phil thing. For all you know, I could’ve actually lost it unknowingly. Maybe we’ll find it months later behind the sofa. But if it’s like really lost, I want a new ring, okay?”

“So demanding, and not even officially engaged!”

The both giggled and Dan shook his head. Phil paid the bill and offered Dan his hand as he got up first.

“Why thank you for the date Mr Lester,” Dan whispered slyly in Phil’s ear, giving him a quick peck on his cheek in the process.

“Get back to the hotel and unofficial engagement sex?” Phil asked, feeling quite flirty suddenly.

“You know the way to a man’s heart. Fine dine, wine and sex. I’m marrying the right man. Only he never has a ring on him.”

“You’re not gonna drop it, are you?”

“Never,” Dan replied with a smile.

Phil shook his head but smiled back, as they were escorted back to the lift. The hailed a cab back to their hotel and rode in silence, just holding each other’s hand.

“So when can I officially put a ring on you?” Phil asked, breaking the silence.

Dan stared at Phil for a long time, before answering, “You’ll know it. When the time is right, when I can wear it and flaunt it to my friends and family and wear it out in public and even on camera. We’ll know it,”  Dan assured Phil.

“Okay then.”

Phil wasn’t satisfied with that answer. He wanted more. He wanted something more definite.

But that night, as Dan pillow-talked to Phil, whispering in his ear, “I love you hubby,” “Imagine if it was our honeymoon.” “I can’t wait for time to pass by and us to be in that place where hell I could scream from a mountain top about how much I love you!” “Phil Howell-Lester. Daniel Howell-Lester. It has got a nice ring to it.”

Somehow all of that pillow talk, spoken in a state of sexual blissfulness, still made Phil smile and happy. He trusted Dan. If he said when they were ready, then it would be when they were ready.

So what if he was only unofficially engaged and had a fake TripAdvisor account to share with when reviewing The Sky Bar on his way back home from the Australian leg of the tour in the plane, whilst Dan slept beside him. Phil was in his happy place. And his happy place was with Dan.

  
  


5

 

The next time it happened was not to Phil but to Dan whilst they were on a holiday with Phil’s amily in May of 2017. Things had changed quite a lot over the past few years. They both had gotten more comfortable with each other, especially in front of the cameras. And they relaxed themselves over social media, letting their audience know that yes they did spend most of their time together. They let them in more often in their domestic lives. And frankly they both quite enjoyed watching their audience’s reaction after a particularly domestic tweet or video moment.

So this time, when Phil’s mum, subtly asked if Phil would be okay with the single bed guest room, or the basement room, which though a bit smelly, had a bigger bed, Phil looked at Dan, who was busy reading emails over his phone as he slept over his lap. He put his phone on speaker.

“I’m sorry Mum, I didn’t quite get you. What were you saying?” Phil asked, and Dan looked up at him, confused.

“I asked if you’d want the single bed guest room, or the bigger bed basement room, which is a bit smelly,” She repeated.

Dan questioned Phil with his eyes and Phil shrugged.

“Umm I’ll call you back in a bit Mum. Bye,” He said, hanging up.

“You really think I should?”

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t.”

“We’re okay with this? To let the world know this is going to happen. Me spending the holiday with your family.”

“I’m okay with it. Just let yourself be Dan. We’ve held back far too many times, thinking what they’ll think. But honestly if you want to come, just come with us, we’ll think of the tweets and the videos and all of that later.”

“Okay…” Dan replied after thinking over a few seconds.

“Okay?” Phil was surprised. That didn’t take too long. Phil thought he’d at least have to spend a whole day convincing Dan.

“Yeah okay. I’ll come. We’ll take the stinky basement room,” Dan said and winked at him before going back to reading emails over his phone.

He quickly called back his mum and informed her, he’d take the bigger bed. And she then not so subtly said, “Say hi to Dan from me. And tell him to get loads of sunscreen when he comes. We’re planning a lot of beach trips. Goodbye son.”

“Bye Mum,” Phil said with a smile, looking at Dan, feeling suddenly very content with his life. And it looked like so was Dan, because he was smiling and reading his emails, even though there was never really anything smile-able about tour related emails.

After Dan’s Bahama travel fiasco, when Playlist finally ended for all means and purposes, they took a cab along with Martin and Cornelia the next day and joined Phil’s parents at their holiday home.

This wasn’t the first time Dan was invited to this Lester’s annual Florida holiday, but this was the first time he had accepted it. And even though he had spent a lot of time with Phil’s family, even been to other holidays with them, this holiday felt different. Because it wasn’t Phil’s birthday being spent away at the quiet and beautiful Isle of Man. No, this was a proper holiday for the whole purpose of family getting together and enjoying some time off together. And Dan was here, with them, at their family holiday. Yet, he didn’t feel too out of place. The Lester clan wouldn’t let him feel left out either. From board game nights, to early beachy mornings, to watching horror movies gathered around the tv, Dan sat by Phil the whole time. The offered to make the lunch together while Martyn and Cornelia took care of breakfast and Phil’s parents took care of the dinner.

Dan really missed these family vacations with his own family. But now his grandma was too old to travel and his brother was always at Uni, and he...he had other commitments as well. Dan thought it was strange how times had changed. He used to love going on trips with his family as a kid, but hated them as he got older. Through his teens and young adult life and even in his early twenty’s, he constantly heard the - ‘what are you doing with your life’, ‘don’t take Uni too lightly’ ‘is this YouTube thing going to last you more than a year’ ‘this YouTube thing is stupid’ ‘are you sure about Phil’. But in the past few years, they had become more enjoyable. His parents accepted the type of job he had, the pros and cons of it all. His mother even watched his videos and teased him about certain things in there. And they were quite accepting of Phil. Only it was always awkward whenever Phil hung out with his family. Phil felts a bit of place and Dan could sense that. But here Dan was, with Phil’s family not feeling one bit out of place.

One early morning Phil’s dad took Phil and Martyn on a drive as a part of ‘spending quality time with his sons one on one’. He did that every year on their annual holiday. Dan woke up to an empty bed and a message on his phone from Phil saying he’d be back soon. Dan pouted and got up, already feeling a bit hungry. He brushed his teeth quickly and went to the kitchen. He found Mrs Lester and Cornelia sipping on some coffee with toast.

“Oh morning Dan. There is some coffee in the pot. Help yourself to some toast. I was feeling too lazy to whip up something. And knowing Martyn and Phil have gone shopping, I’m sure we’re getting some ready to eat waffles or some sweet monstrosity like that soon,” Cornelia said, chewing on her toast.

“The Lester men have no control over their sugar intake. Bless their genes that keep them thin,” Phil’s mum said.

“I swear. All Phil does is eat sugar the whole day and somehow not manage to get sick or fat,” Dan added with a fond smile, helping himself to tea and some toast.

“Same goes for Martyn,” Cornelia said.

They sat in silence for some time, watching Ellen on the television as they ate their breakfast in peace, without having Martyn and Phil fight over something silly over the breakfast table. A few minutes later, Cornelia got a called from one of her music producers and excused herself. Dan offered to do the dishes that were overflowing the sink and Mrs Lester smiled and thanked Dan. Dan felt obligated to help around without being asked for tagging along the lesters vacation, even though Phil assured him he wasn’t just tagging along, but was a part of it as much as Cornelia was. Still Dan was Dan and offered to do the dirty dishes.

As he did the dishes, Mrs Lester started making some sandwiches up for their beach picnic. She hummed along a tune, which Dan joined into as well.

“Dan?” She asked once she finished making a few sandwiches.

“Yeah?”

“Have you and Phil thought about getting married? Or kids?”

“Woah Kath, where is this coming from?”

“Just that I’ve had a conversation with Martyn and Cornelia and they have stated, they don’t want to have kids. And Phil doesn’t ever want to talk marriage with me, or grandkids, so I thought I’d come to you. I’m getting pretty old here and would like some grandkids to spend some time with. Unless of course the two of you don’t want kids either. Which I think is not the case. I know Phil loves kids, and I’ve seen you with kids as well. Most of your followers are basically kids. So yes marriage and kids. Do I see it happening?” She asked, looking away, trying to make it sound casual, and Dan was reminded of Phil, who did the same thing, passing off something serious as casual.

Dan opened his mouth and closed it again. He was unable to find the right words to explain Phil’s mum and even himself. Why were they indeed taking so much time?

“I...Phil and I...we do want to get married at some point and have kids. But umm...we’re at the peak of our careers and we have another tour to take care of and there are other opportunities we want to take up, before we give all of this up and settle down.” Dan stuttered out the best response he could.

“I hope I’ll have strength in these bones till then. Well anyways I thought I’d give it a try, maybe it’ll lead to something,” Katherine said, raising a single eyebrow.

“Haha nice try Kath. But it will happen when it’s supposed to happen,” Dan said, hoping this conversation was done.

“Oh well. Hopefully sooner than later. There is something quiet pleasant about being married. I don’t know what it is. Because even after years of being together something changes with a marriage. And personally I quite liked the change, whatever it was. And the kids. It’s like we finally felt complete. I love my boys even if they gave me hell, growing up” Katherine said with a fond smile, as she packed the sandwiches.

And Dan went into a spiral of thoughts. One thought led to another. And before he knew it, he was seeing a future with the two of them in black suits in front of a small group of friends and family, in an exotic location, taking silly vows as they promised to cherish each other for the rest of their lives. And then there were thoughts of kids and what would they name them and how adorable would Phil look with a little babygirl perched on his shoulder as he pretended to be a train and ran through the house with her, with her giggles filling the empty house.

But when Phil returned, instead of telling him about the awkward incident with his mum, or the thoughts that were running through his head, he ran to open the door and kissed him as soon as he entered.

“What? Did you miss me so much?” Phil asked with a tiny blush spread across his cheeks, as Dan had kissed him in front of his whole family. It was a small peck on the lips and nothing more. And they were allowed that, they were allowed probably even more than that, but they always chose to refrain from public display of affection.

“Uh-un. Consider this my sorry for locking you out yesterday and tweeting about it,” Dan said, dragging Phil in, avoiding everyone’s eyes. But he didn’t miss Mrs Lester smiling at them mischievously.

“What? Something’s up with you,” Phil said as he was dragged to their basement room by Dan.

“Nothing. Nothing. Just let’s get ready for the picnic, okay?”

“Okay!”

As Dan collected his clothes to go to the bath, he took a few seconds to stare at Phil, who was casually lounging on the bed, starfished across it, busy typing away on his phone. He felt like something had changed. After the conversation with Phil’s mum, Dan felt a bit different. He couldn’t put a finger on it.

Phil realised he was being stared at and looked up at Dan and smiled.

Dan smiled back, crossed the distance between them and kissed him.

“I love you,” Dan whispered against Phil’s lips.

“I love you too baby,” Phil replied.

And with a smile Dan walked to the bathroom.  That was the first time, Dan felt like marriage wasn’t a distant concept. Wasn’t something that was still ten or five or three years away. It felt like it had to be sooner.

  
  


+1

 

The time Dan actually did propose Phil was on the 1st of January of 2018, as they lazily sat down for breakfast at noon, after having a little heavy night on the drinks front with their friends.

They were discussing the things they should change this new year, about themselves, about their videos, about their image to their viewers, when Dan suddenly got up in between their conversation, leaving Phil’s sentence halfway and his cereal.

Things to change. Dan knew something had to be changed this year. It had to be actually changed for a while now. He had felt it coming. He needed it to be changed, more than anything. And there was no better time to do that than the first day of the new year.

Dan went to his room and opened his closet. He removed two old socks from the sock drawer. He took both in his hand and sat back on the table, keeping the two socks on the the table, in front of Phil, as he went back to eating his cereal.

“This! How did you-” Phil knew for sure what one of the socks contained. His heart started racing.

“It seemed either you or me, probably me, when I was rummaging through your bag for your meds dropped it in a corner of the hotel room. The hotel people were nice enough to call me back and mail it us back home. Only you could find such an old dirty sock to keep a ring in! Besides did you know this was my sock? I searched for it’s missing partner for a long time and all this time it was with you, holding the most precious thing ever.”

“What’s in the other one?” Phil asked looking at the pineapple covered sock. That was his sock. He knew for a fact. He thought he lost one leg to the washing machine or dryer.

“Oh that,” Dan said nonchalantly, as he kept his spoon back into the bowl and got up. He picked up the pineapple sock and removed a blue coloured velvet box from it. He went down on one knee in front of Phil, who was holding his empty spoon in the air, with his mouth wide open. He opened the box, to reveal a simple gold band, with one diamond in the centre.

“I’ve been your, number one fan, as everyone says. I thought I’d follow your steps, again, and hide the ring in a sock as well. Your sock. And well, let you know that I’m ready. Ready as I can ever be. I know we have another tour coming up, but Phil, I can’t wait to begin planning a wedding with you! And I can’t wait to begin planning a future with you. I’m still not ready to come out to the public eye and let the internet in too deep into our personal lives. But friends and family, I want to tell them, that you and I, we’re getting married soon! I already took your mum and dad’s blessings. And I thought my grandma had a heart attack when she didn;t speak for a few seconds after I told her about my decision. Okay wai- I’m just talking crap. What I’m trying to say here, on one knee, which is getting painful now, by the way, is that Phil- marry me! Please give me the honour of spending the rest of my life with you and having kids with you and having the best ever future with you. Will you Phil?” Dan had his speech prepared. He had practiced it several times since the day Phil’s mum spoke to him. But he never found the courage to go through with it, until today.

“You aren’t kidding, right? I’m not some new year’s resolution that you’re going to break?” Phil asked, his words stuttering, like his breathing.

“Phil, you’re the one resolution I know I’ll keep forever, that is if you’ll have me forever?” 

Phil nodded and let his happy tears flow freely. He got on his knees as well and kissed Dan fiercely, like his life depended on it. Dan just smiled into the kiss and whispered, “I love you Phil,” between the kissing.

“I love you too Dan. I love you so much!” Phil said, kissing Dan’s forehead. He scrambled to get his own ring out of the sock. And opened the box in front of Dan. Dan had already seen the ring. But never worn it. It was beautiful, but when Phil put the platinum ring, encrusted with diamonds all around it, on his finger, Dan thought it looked even better, now at its rightful place. And Dan put his own ring on Phil’s finger and clasped their hands together.

And even though their rings didn’t go together, colour or design wise, Dan had never felt something fit so perfectly with each other, as the two rings on their fingers.

In the end, even though Phil didn’t get his chance to properly propose to Dan, he knew he wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. It happened like it was supposed to happen, when it was supposed to happen. And even though the wedding was still easily over a year away, Phil couldn’t wait to begin planning it out with his fianc é Dan.

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi to my empty tumblr where i don't post shit. I go by the same name there!


End file.
